The Idiot’s guide to Idiocy

I can’t take it anymore!!! Stuck in limbo sucks. There’s just no other way to describe it. Like waiting for the results of a test. Or if you’ve scored that job interview. Or waiting for that special someone you’ve had your eye on to finally acknowledge your feelings. The waiting….

Waiting isn’t so bad if there’s an end in sight. But what if there’s no end to your wait? What if creation itself conspires to keep you waiting for all eternity? What’s the point in doing anything if you’re just going to end up waiting for an answer or a result that just doesn’t want to appear? Don’t give me that crap about getting off my own ass and doing something about it, that only goes so far. At some point or other your fate is not your own. Yes, when you take a test you’re using your own wits to overcome it. What happens after? Aye, more waiting. You’ve done all you can so all you can do now is wait.

Sadly, waiting is a constant occurrence in my life. Yeah yeah, some of you are saying right now, don’t just wait, go out and look. BAH! While looking you’re still waiting aren’t you? Waiting to find what you’re looking for. There is hope though. I feel… as if all my waiting is finally coming to an end. Not a happy ending, not a bad one either. Just the feeling finality. Maybe, just maybe my wait has come to an end. I highly doubt that. Everyone waits for something. Fate just likes to keep me waiting longer that everyone else.

And so I wait. For change. For fulfillment. For happiness.

If those things don’t exist for me so be it, I’ll wait for Death.

HURRY THE FUCK UP ASSHOLE!

Aye, why do people care? Does it give them satisfaction? Or is it something more sinister? Why do people ask if you’re alright? Is it a ploy to get you to think they’re your ‘friends’?

It’s a well know fact that humans are selfish, more so now than at any other point in history. So I ask again, why? At the end of the day people only do things for their own benefit. This is fact. I mean, why don’t people go to movies alone? Because it’s a boring experience unless you have someone to share it with. So you invite other people. You’re not trying to be nice, you’re just fulfilling a selfish need not to be alone. Just like asking someone to go to the mamak with you. It’d be a pretty quick ‘yamcha’ session if you’re alone. At least with someone else there you can kill more time.

Selfish, but well hidden by good intentions. Nothing but political BS. I only have one reply to fake inquiries about my well being: I don’t care, why should you? 

TRANSFORMERS!! YAY! Being the undisputed ‘King Geek’ this was a really big deal for me ^_^ I got to see them on the big screen, as real as current special effect allow them to be. I left my childhood expectations of this movie at the door, they shouldn’t be tarnished. The cartoon were the cartoons, they’ll remain forever as cherished memories. This is new. This, I like.

So what if they don’t transform like they did in the cartoons? It’d be dorky if they did. Come on, seriously, if you’re a true fan, you’d want the Transformers to be cool. To me, they weren’t just cool, they were a riot. Let’s see… it’d take too long to go through the entire cast, so let’s keep it simple.

Optimus Prime. The man err… robot. He’s still intact. Prime doesn’t fight unless absolutely necessary. But when he does, it’s a sight. He only loses out to Megatron, so I don’t really mind, even that monumental fight was a close match. He believes that everyone has a right to be free. Not to say I’m completely happy, nope. We didn’t get to see Prime as the leader that he is. Most of the battles are chaotic at best, with no real coordination between them. Ratchet? Firing off blasts in the middle of the city wouldn’t have been ‘him’. He’d be the one getting the humans out of there. Jazz turned out too thuggish for me, he just wasn’t smooth enough. Maybe the producers need to start looking for a rapper Ironhide.. funny new version.

I didn’t really get a sense of 2 armies going at each other in this movie, just a lot of showdowns, not really what Transformers was to me. Megatron did make an impression. He’s just as mean as he was when I was a kid. Yeah, the whole human flicking thing was definitely Megatron. The fact that most of the Autobots ran upon seen Megatron was a little disheartening, but seeing Optimus bravely stand up to him was… inspiring. Seeing a machine, granted a sentient machine, stand up for good. If only us mere humans could aspire to such deeds, oh wait, we can, but we choose not to almost all the time since it doesn’t benefit us in any way.

Hints of a sequel to those of you who waited until the credits to walk out. I really really hope there is.

Things I’d like to see in the sequel:

• Soundwave!!!! Megatron’s bodyguard, Starscream may be second in command, but Soundwave obeys Megatron without question.
• More robots, we’ve already established the human cast as part of the core story now.
• More of a sense of battles, not just giant robots wrestling in the middle of a  city. They are 2 armies, start fighting like one. The chain of command now is chaotic at best.
• MORE MEGATRON!! Yes, he’s down for the count now, but Megatron shouldn’t be defeated that easily, he should come back, this time with a really really huge cannon. Alien fighters are fine and dandy, but you don’t get a sense of his power when he transforms, instead it feels understated. Megatron doesn’t hide his power, he flaunts it.
• BIGGER OPTIMUS!! What’s this?! Prime is shorter? Where’s his trailer? He is Megatron’s equal in size and power. Period.

And now that’s I’ve completely ruined all chances for any type of female relationship by writing this, I think I’ll go watch it again some time, this time on iMAX! ^_^

PS. I actually saw this on Thursday at 11:30AM. Waited for the rest of you to see it first

    Curses! I can’t really find the words this time. So.. Curses! BAH! I find myself raising the bar higher and higher. Seeking something that, logically, shouldn’t exist. And when I find living proof, I raise the bar again. Expectations.

    Just exactly what happens when you’re always disappointed? When everything melds into one giant grey painting? Lower your expectations? Compromise your standards? No,  I refuse to believe that. Expose yourself to enough disappointment, and sooner or later you’ll start to feel numb. Nothing excites, a living death. Yet, rare glimpses of hope can appear, before you realize that it’s creation’s cruel joke.

    The double edged sword called hope. Surrounded by disappointment, each one as cruel and crushing as the last, can a person really remain hopeful? If so, how? Hope is only a driving force when you know there something better out there. What if you don’t? What if all you can see is more and more grey skies for the rest of your days? Nothing to brighten your existence, nothing to make you feel alive. And what happens when we need hope the most? When we’re so desperate we’re ready to believe in anything but instead, we find that what we have been hoping for is nothing but a lie, a cruel joke. We are most vulnerable when we are most hopeful, thus being hopeful is just as dangerous as not being hopeful. It’s a gamble and I refuse to be a part of it.

    I wash my hands of my hopes and dreams, as I wash away all my disappointment.

    Long, long absence this time. A lack of inspiration seems to be my main problem for getting my thoughts out. There hasn’t been a single interesting thing/person  of note since my last post. Utter boredom. Just when I thought my mind was finally going on holiday, Japanese class starts again. Whee. Don’t get me wrong, I love class. The teacher is strange, but in a good way. Nothing interesting in class, which is good, since I’d be too distracted to absorb anything if there was someone ‘kawaii’ in it.

    I was asked once why I was taking the class, and to my own surprise, I couldn’t find an answer. I don’t think making new friends was ever a goal, I get real defensive around strangers. That’s not too bad, I can always force myself to interact and be polite but I also suffer mind-numbing, fear driven paralysis when introduced to anyone attractive. In turn, I do what every normal person does, find something to calm myself down. A crutch to take the edge off.  So I choose to be numbed out to the world, enough to act normal instead of running away screaming like a little girl whenever someone of the opposite sex even looks at me.

    Within these muted feelings towards the world, I have come to realize what I want in life. I just want to be surrounded by beautiful women, they don’t even have to know I’m alive. Just being surrounded by beauty. It’s enough to make me feel content. To be an observer. To watch the beauty around me, ever changing, through my glass window. I don’t need to participate, that ruins the illusion. Not that it’s hard to do mind you, it’s a relatively simple exercise in restraint. Why bother getting to know anyone? I consider ‘friends’ a threat. The closer someone is to you the bigger a threat they become. The greatest pain does not come from total strangers but those closest to you.

    Being an observer can still be disheartening, especially when there’s no beauty or grace around me to observe. I do get by with the occasional sight to brighten up my day, but that doesn’t really leave me with a feeling of true contentment. It has become a quest of sorts, the only driving force compelling me to crawl out from under my bed everyday and step outside. Maybe some day I will succeed in my personal quest to be surrounded by beauty and grace, but right now, I remain an observer without enough to observe, going to bed at the end of every day with a  feeling of discontentment, wishing for eternal sleep.

Since it’s Valentine’s day (give or take 1 or 2 days :P), I’m going to get soppy! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly happy just going out and looking at attractive women. Notice I said looking at attractive women, not for attractive women. The sight of real beauty can make my day. I’m perfectly happy with the memory of the view. Those around me think it’s rather pathetic. "Just the view?! You didn’t ask for her number or say hi to her or something?!" Sad? Yep. Very. But hey, the alternative is far worse. Let me explain….

Pretty girls are never single!

Think about it. Would someone that hot be single? Logically and statistically, a sane, attractive, female would of course be attached. Duh… Why do people keep forgetting that! Notice the word ’sane’. Who in their right mind would want to go out with an unstable, weight obsessed, emotional psycho. Hence, pretty girls who are single should always be treated with caution.

Okay, let’s say she’s doesn’t have a habit involving sharp objects. Let’s say she’s a sane, single (at the current time) attractive female. Even then caution is warranted. Why?

Rebounds SUCK!

Ahh… rebound chicks. You know… "I just ended a wonderful relationship with the love of my life, bla~ bla~ bla~~". Yes, they’re vulnerable. Yes, they are have a need to fill a void left behind after the shock of a dumping. That’s precisely why don’t even bother. These girl are heart grinders with legs. They may be genuinely nice people. But let’s face it, rebounds don’t last. Sooner or later the trauma dissipates and she’ll be ready to move on with her life. Usually it doesn’t involve YOU. Whee.

Ok those dreamers out there are probably saying, "What if she’s still single?". Fine, let’s entertain them. In an ideal scenario where the subject, the female in question is in fact, sane, single, physically attractive, is not a bitch and (by some miracle) is single. I still wouldn’t make a move. For a very obvious reason. I know myself. I’m not perfect. I’m human after all, and humans are flawed creatures. The fact that these flaws can only poison, figuratively speaking of course, those around me, it is better to have as few people around me as possible no?

What’s the point of sharing your life with someone if you don’t truly love them? Some people I know have been trying to get me to settle. I won’t do it. Living a lie just for the sake of having someone to talk to when I’m old and gray. Maybe I’m a romantic, I believe you’re supposed to feel like you’re floating when you see the love of your life. Can’t really say, the only times I’ve felt like I was floating, it was usually accompanied by projectile vomit. You know what I mean. Like being struck by lightning. That feeling when you know, She’s the one. Bah. Stuff like that only happens in movies. And TV.

On this Valentine’s Day, as I watch the couples all around me entranced with each other, I find myself being thankful….

I don’t have to buy an overpriced dinner for 2 anywhere! ^_^

I actually got mail a few days ago. Couldn’t believe my eyes when I
opened it. Someone I knew in school is getting married. Sheesh. Nothing
like a wedding invitation to make you feel old. Maybe I wouldn’t have
felt as bad if the sender wasn’t an ex. That’s not the point though.

It
scares me to see so many marriages fail these days. People get divorced
as soon as the knot is tied. Fact. I wonder how many of these people
actually know what marriage is about? The romantics (read idiots),
will bite my head off when I say most people don’t know what marriage
is. Chorusing the same line "It’s about love". Really? I’m not talking
about TV marriages here people, real life is a whole different ball
game.

Marriage isn’t about love, it’s about tolerance. Ever
notice how "I love you" is usually followed by "let’s have kids"? Love
is just a chemical reaction in our brains designed to trigger the
instinct to breed. Procreate. Hardwired into our souls. Of course there
are those out there who have an excellent poker face and lie through
their teeth. They usually say "I’ll love you even when you’re old".
Whee.

Once you settle into the 7-12 year anniversary, things
start to change. That messiness you used to find cute starts to become
unbearable. The temper trantrums start happening more and more often.
Oh, and let’s not forget the complaining. Grumpy old people aren’t born
that way, they grow into it. And here we come to the real test of a
marriage. Just exactly how much can one tolerate the other? Love
conquers all? Love doesn’t make the piles of clothes lying lying all over the house disappear. Love doesn’t stop your significant other from
nagging (male or female, we all do it). Love doesn’t stop dirty dishes
piling up because someone doesn’t know how to pick up after themselves.
You can’t change other people, only yourself.

And so you do,
what was completely intolerable when you were single starts becoming
tolerable. When two people can find a middle ground between their
different personalities then a marriage can work. That’s marriage.
Tolerating the other half because you like their company. You enjoy
being around them. They make you feel like you don’t need anything or anyone else. I’m not saying it’s impossible, but I’m not saying
it’s a cake walk either. It takes work. Effort. Everyone hopes for a
person to change after marriage, some are just not prepared when that
change is a turn for the worse. Most newlyweds nowadays don’t even make
it past a year, and those that do end up silently hating each other
just because they’re too proud to admit they can’t stand each other and
get a divorce. Oh wait, I almost forgot the famous "we’re only together because of the kids" line.

What we see on TV is designed to entertain, give us a laugh, a tear. It truly is rare to see a happily married couple now. Those that have made it work, kudos! Keep it up. To those that can’t seem settle down without getting divorced in a year or two, maybe you should find someone who can accept you for who you are, not who you pretend to be.

After all, at the end of the day we all hope to sit on the porch with a loved one and watch the sunset together, stealing gazes at each other.

It’s like a really really weird restaurant. You’re never sure if you’re going to get a good seat, the waiters are oblivious, the food is inconsistent and doesn’t seem like it’s going to stop coming, add to all this, when you’re ready to leave, said waiter takes forever to bring you your cheque before you’re unceremoniously tossed out on to the street. Bleh.

For those of you a little slow on the uptake, no I’m not talking about dining, but rather, life itself. You can’t choose the circumstances you’re born into, any prayers directed to a higher power is usually ignored, there are ups and downs, sweet and bitter experiences and you can’t really decide when to leave.

Doesn’t do to think too hard about things you can’t change. Can’t really help the company you keep in life either. Best you can do is sit down and try to have a good time before it’s last call at the bar. That’s easier said than done, everyone else is also trying to have a good time, sadly the majority doesn’t care if everyone else is stepped on at their expense. Bastards.

For some it’s easier to whine and cry about "fate" and say it’s all part of God’s plan. Pfft. Sissies. God watches, that’s all there is to it. I haven’t seen any forms of divine intervention lately, have you? When it comes down to it, all that a person can do to have a better life lies in themselves. The blame game gets you sympathy, but doesn’t get you anywhere else.

Hey, if you can’t take all the problems that come attached with life, there’s always suicide

Cheque please, Garson! I’m done with my dining experience!

Saint, Sinner, Victim, Bully, Entertainment, Annoyance, Brother, Father, Enemy, Friend we’re all different things to different people. It’s all a matter of perspective. I’ve been getting the feeling lately that I am without a core personality. I change to fit in. If a clown is required, then I am a clown.

Which brings me to the real question, just who the hell am I? I’m not even sure of that anymore. I wear so many different masks just to be accepted. Is acceptance really that important? Of course it is. Everyone craves acceptance. That’s why we have cliques. To belong. There are those who say that you don’t need to be accepted, as long as you are happy with what you are. But how can that be true? It’s a basic human need to be accepted, hardwired into us during creation. We are social creatures. Subconsciously or otherwise, we try to fit in.

How many of us can truly say that we don’t wear a different mask for different occasions? The dutiful child, the loving partner, the hated enemy, the innocent victim. We play different parts to suit our own purposes. Nothing wrong with that. For me though, I’ve lost track. I have no idea who I am anymore. Over achiever? Slacker? Stoner? Fucker? I’ve been all those things and more. Different things to different people. Just to fit in. To be accepted.

Who do you want me to be?

How many of us actually realize it? Consciously or otherwise we practice double standards when it comes to friendship. Come on, let’s be serious. There are those we call friends and we’d help help them without question, wish them a better life, yada yada yada. And then there are those we know, we hang out with them when there’s no one else to hang out with or when it’s too expensive to hang out with the usual group of friends.

Still classified under friends, but these are the people we abuse, put down and insult. They are "entertainment", having no other purpose than to give us a laugh at their expense. And yet we still call these people "friend". There should be a different term. I don’t think the word "friend" fits.

In a way it’s expected. There are friends who we’d do anything for and then there are "second class friends". They are only friends when no one else is around to entertain us. Two different standards of treatment. How… sad.