The Idiot’s guide to Idiocy

Ever feel like you’re being ignored? Like the whole is passing by and not a single soul even knows who you are? I used to feel rather down when I think about that, nope, not anymore. I mean yes, I still long for female attention (which guy doesn’t?), but attention by itself can get rather annoying.

I’m talking about the wrong kind of attention (it’s a gaming rant folks!). About 2 months ago I discovered "Space Cowboy". Pretty decent IMHO. Game play is addictive and aside from the occasional lag burst and stupid players it’s a rather nice break from the real world. I could go kill monsters, fight other players, even take part in ‘nation wars’. It’s fun. As a newbie all I did was spawn and die. Didn’t matter, I got to kill too ^_^. Now on the other hand….

Going to war for me now is like diving into a pit of angry, well… pit bulls. If i ever had any complaints about getting noticed oh boy do I ever regret it now. It’s not like I do it on purpose, shoot at me and I’ll shoot back. Simple. Recently however I’ve had at least 3 gang up on me @_@. NOT fun.

Oh well… I guess it really goes to show, be careful what you wish for…

Being irritating is an art form. Some people are just born irritating but it takes a considerable amount of effort to act irritating. Why do it? Simple. It’s to keep other people from getting to close. Letting anyone in just leads to disappointment or worse, heartbreak. It’s the ideal way to live, but it no doubt is the safest. I mean, just like in war, you can’t get shot if there’s no ammo. Being close to anyone enables them to hurt you, intentionally or otherwise.

I guess, the less people who really know you, the simpler your life becomes. "Stand alone". Being without any attachments, emotional or otherwise. It definitely can get lonely, but at least you don’t get any nasty surprises. The only drawback comes when you’re not fully prepared for the price. Adopting that lifestyle means only watching from afar, never fully being apart of "Life". Completely transient. I don’t mind it one bit. As long as there are pretty girls to feast my eyes on, it doesn’t matter if I’ll never get to know them, they probably don’t even want to know me. Works better for both parties that way.

Some might say that it’s a sad existence. They’re entitled to their opinions. Some of us are just too jaded to argue.

They say a tiger can never change it’s stripes. I agree. Same goes for people. The funny thing is no one seems to realize it. I’ve witnessed numerous attempts by others to give advice and constructively point out faults so that one may better themselves. Don’t bother. It doesn’t work. Said person will of course pretend to listen or even accept what you have to say, but the truth of the matter is they’re only doing that because it’s the polite thing to do. Most likely while you’re saying all this they’re thinking ’shaddap bitch!’

No, people can’t change. "People" are, to put it bluntly, stupid, selfish, greedy, scheming and pretty much no better than animals. The difference? We know how to hide it. That’s what they call politics. The art of being polite. Oh don’t get me wrong, I’m sure some people out there are truly sincere, but I’ve yet to meet one. Call me a hopeless romantic, but I’d like to think we’re better than that, I keep hoping one day, I’ll witness some selfless act that proves me wrong.

Of course I’m negative. It’s because all I see around me is negativity. Faith in the human race is definitely misplaced, but I still (foolishly enough) have faith in them. And I HATE myself for it. I should know better. Actually I do, I don’t have faith in women. That’s why I’m still single I guess. Now now ladies, don’t get ahead of yourselves, I see it coming. "All we want is security" Hmm…. Security = money in today’s world yes? There was a time when security meant dependability, trust and the knowledge you could grow old with your partner. Not anymore. Now you’d just as easily get dumped the moment something better appears on the horizon. Don’t get me wrong, I’m just stating what I see happening around me.

Yeah yeah, I’ve heard it all before, "Go out and meet people if you’re that lonely". What’s the point? I have nothing to offer other than myself. And that honestly, isn’t good enough in this day and age. It leads to disappointment. So I’d rather just be left alone, festering in my own hate. I’ve stopped carrying those bricks, I can’t make society better by pointing out what I see is a decline in moral standards. We’re human, we can change for the better, but we refuse to. Where is this all going? Stop giving advice. Let that idiot live his own selfish life. Don’t bother because it doesn’t make a difference. People will never change. Selfishness and greed rule the day.

I want to be wrong about this, I hope to God I am.

Recently some people have been trying to score points with me by emphasizing that they help people a lot. Wrong person to try it on dudes. There shouldn’t even be a reason why you help other people. Do it because you want to. Doing it so you can score points with people around you just demeans the deed. Kinda like when someone tells me they value certain things, complete and utter bull. The fact that you have to let people know what your values are just shows that you don’t practice said values.

A good deed should be committed under complete sincerity (or better still while being braindead, that way you can’t even think of an ulterior motive for doing said deed ^_^). I guess once the world starts being that way we can all stop thinking we owe someone. Like that movie with Kevin Spacey and the Sixth Sense kid, um… Hayley Joel Osment.

Help others because you want to and don’t expect repayment for a good deed, only losers do that! ^_^

P.S. Bleh me going to fail me test next week T_T

It sure feels that way sometimes. I can see what’s on the other side but I know I’ll never be able to experience it. Like seeing someone beautiful. Depressing? Hardly. I’ve grown to accept it. Some people just aren’t meant to. Annoying? Definitely. Yes, I long for companionship (more so since I’m heading for that three-oh number). I know what I’m asking for is a bit much, but why settle for anything less? A beautiful face, a hot bod and most importantly, acceptance.

The truth of the matter is, that damn cage protects people from me just as it protects me from other people. It’s not that bad, the view can be very interesting sometimes. I just have to keep reminding myself to look only. Just like window shopping, but perpetually trapped. Cursed to only see, but never to touch. Oh well, at least it keeps me from getting disappointed or worse, crushed.

So there, if it sounds like I’ve given up, that’s not it. I’ve given in.

… is how we see ourselves. The fear that someone might just screw you over comes from the basic fact that at some point we have done the same. See someone as a leech and yes, most likely you’ve leeched off someone. Why do we do that? I guess subconsciously there is guilt (unless you’re a true bastard/bitch that is =P). It stems from empathy. I watched Malcolm in the middle recently and Reese’s answer to empathy was spot on, "Why would anyone want empathy?"

Empathy helps when you’re not trying to be an arse to other people, but what about those of us who for some inexplicable reason just don’t give a flying **** as long as they get what they want? I say screw it, live as you are. Other people can either accept it or get out of the way. Can’t be helped. Then again, I’m not really known for practicing what I preach =P. I’ve got enough bad karma as it is. Saddle with bricks as heavy as the world, I do feel guilt. Maybe, just maybe if I can learn to accept myself, I can finally accept others.

Hey, I am still Human after all ^_^

They say Hope is the most important thing. I mean without Hope we won’t work towards anything new. Question is, when does Hope become nothing more than fantasy? Everyone has dreams they wish to fulfill. But when one sees no end in sight to everyday suffering is it still logical to have Hope?

No, Hope, no matter how you look at it only leads to disappointment. I prefer not to ^_^
You can’t be disappointed if you don’t hope for anything in the first place right? Does that make me less Human? I hope so. It’s better to have no Hope than to have Hope and end up being crushed when what you have worked so hard for doesn’t materialize.

To quote Lord Havelock Vetinari…
"It’s only the prospect of Freedom, not Actual Freedom"

Hope, the last refuge in the face of failure.

Futile.

USELESS.

Finally. A guy flick. Woohoo! And I get to watch it on the opening weekend! GREAT! The crowd that accompanied it however…. As usual getting to any mall on a weekend is utter lunacy these days. Traffic jams, the search for parking. Stuck in the cycle of ‘Still no spot? Why isn’t the line moving? Is that couple over there walking to their car?’

Getting into the mall isn’t any different. I actually look forward to going out for one reason. I want to look around and see… nice things… nice looking girls… hell anything nice damn it! Nope, too bad, counter has closed, try again later. No one that even excites the blood. I might as well be looking at a wall of badly drawn art. The noise I can tune out but I can’t bloody well close my eyes now can I?  The thought has occured before.

And then there’s the theater itself. Ever had to turn around and say  "Dude stop kicking my chair".
Irritating aren’t they? What about that screaming child? That would kill the movie for ye of fragile patience.

Yes, other people are hell. Especially if they think they’re in their own personal heaven.