The Idiot’s guide to Idiocy

Since it’s Valentine’s day (give or take 1 or 2 days :P), I’m going to get soppy! WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Now don’t get me wrong, I’m perfectly happy just going out and looking at attractive women. Notice I said looking at attractive women, not for attractive women. The sight of real beauty can make my day. I’m perfectly happy with the memory of the view. Those around me think it’s rather pathetic. "Just the view?! You didn’t ask for her number or say hi to her or something?!" Sad? Yep. Very. But hey, the alternative is far worse. Let me explain….

Pretty girls are never single!

Think about it. Would someone that hot be single? Logically and statistically, a sane, attractive, female would of course be attached. Duh… Why do people keep forgetting that! Notice the word ’sane’. Who in their right mind would want to go out with an unstable, weight obsessed, emotional psycho. Hence, pretty girls who are single should always be treated with caution.

Okay, let’s say she’s doesn’t have a habit involving sharp objects. Let’s say she’s a sane, single (at the current time) attractive female. Even then caution is warranted. Why?

Rebounds SUCK!

Ahh… rebound chicks. You know… "I just ended a wonderful relationship with the love of my life, bla~ bla~ bla~~". Yes, they’re vulnerable. Yes, they are have a need to fill a void left behind after the shock of a dumping. That’s precisely why don’t even bother. These girl are heart grinders with legs. They may be genuinely nice people. But let’s face it, rebounds don’t last. Sooner or later the trauma dissipates and she’ll be ready to move on with her life. Usually it doesn’t involve YOU. Whee.

Ok those dreamers out there are probably saying, "What if she’s still single?". Fine, let’s entertain them. In an ideal scenario where the subject, the female in question is in fact, sane, single, physically attractive, is not a bitch and (by some miracle) is single. I still wouldn’t make a move. For a very obvious reason. I know myself. I’m not perfect. I’m human after all, and humans are flawed creatures. The fact that these flaws can only poison, figuratively speaking of course, those around me, it is better to have as few people around me as possible no?

What’s the point of sharing your life with someone if you don’t truly love them? Some people I know have been trying to get me to settle. I won’t do it. Living a lie just for the sake of having someone to talk to when I’m old and gray. Maybe I’m a romantic, I believe you’re supposed to feel like you’re floating when you see the love of your life. Can’t really say, the only times I’ve felt like I was floating, it was usually accompanied by projectile vomit. You know what I mean. Like being struck by lightning. That feeling when you know, She’s the one. Bah. Stuff like that only happens in movies. And TV.

On this Valentine’s Day, as I watch the couples all around me entranced with each other, I find myself being thankful….

I don’t have to buy an overpriced dinner for 2 anywhere! ^_^