The Idiot’s guide to Idiocy

    Curses! I can’t really find the words this time. So.. Curses! BAH! I find myself raising the bar higher and higher. Seeking something that, logically, shouldn’t exist. And when I find living proof, I raise the bar again. Expectations.

    Just exactly what happens when you’re always disappointed? When everything melds into one giant grey painting? Lower your expectations? Compromise your standards? No,  I refuse to believe that. Expose yourself to enough disappointment, and sooner or later you’ll start to feel numb. Nothing excites, a living death. Yet, rare glimpses of hope can appear, before you realize that it’s creation’s cruel joke.

    The double edged sword called hope. Surrounded by disappointment, each one as cruel and crushing as the last, can a person really remain hopeful? If so, how? Hope is only a driving force when you know there something better out there. What if you don’t? What if all you can see is more and more grey skies for the rest of your days? Nothing to brighten your existence, nothing to make you feel alive. And what happens when we need hope the most? When we’re so desperate we’re ready to believe in anything but instead, we find that what we have been hoping for is nothing but a lie, a cruel joke. We are most vulnerable when we are most hopeful, thus being hopeful is just as dangerous as not being hopeful. It’s a gamble and I refuse to be a part of it.

    I wash my hands of my hopes and dreams, as I wash away all my disappointment.

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